so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
