strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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