I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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