Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
