I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
