If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
