I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
