one two three fourrrrnication!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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