May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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