so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
