I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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