So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
