i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
