if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
