Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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