Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
