hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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