she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
