I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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