can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jerry, you need to find god
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
