This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
