I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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