he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??