I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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