so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
