i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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