can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
