So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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