Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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