Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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