and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
