He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
