She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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