I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
