I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
