those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
