He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
