Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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