I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
