Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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