My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
