I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
