Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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