I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
