You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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