Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
