i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
