4 words: hood of his car
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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