I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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