fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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