Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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