You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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