Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
