My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
