we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
