You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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