How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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