I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
