so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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