Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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